Rachel

OK Now Joe you know that since you're returning all of this stuff after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?

Joey

All right. Well you better show me some of that too then

Rachel

Okay it's missing something.

Rachel

Oh, I know. Um..ok.

Joey

Really. A purse?

Rachel

It's not a purse, it's a shoulder bag.

Joey

It looks like a woman's purse.

Rachel

No. Joey, look. Trust me. I'm telling y'.. All of the men are carrying them in the spring catalog. Look. See! Look. Men. Carrying the bag.

Joey

See! Look . Women! ..carrying the bag. But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.

Rachel

Exactly. Unisex!

Joey

Maybe you need sex. I had sex couple days ago.

Rachel

No, no, Joey U N I sex.

Joey

Well, ain't gonna say no to that.

Joey

Hey.

Chandler

Hey.

Chandler

Wow you look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani.

Joey

Are you referring to my man's bag?

Joey

At first I thought it just looked good. But it's practical too check it out. It's got compartments for all your stuff, your wallet, your keys, your address book..

Ross

Your makeup?

Rachel

Joey what are you doing with the bag your audition is not until tomorrow?

Joey

Yeah but sandwich time is right now.

Rachel

Joey you know you get any mustard on that bag you can't return it.

Joey

Why would I return this? I love this bag.

Rachel

All right. Well then you owe me three hundred and fifty dollars.

Joey

Fine. Do you take Vassa or MoosterCard?

Rachel

Joey.

Joey

All right relax. Look I'll pay with the money from the acting job—I am definitely gonna get. Thanks to you.

Ross

What's the part, Anti-man?.

Rachel

Don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.

Joey

You-and-I-sexy?

Joey

I'm off to my audition. How do I look?

Rachel

Ahh I think you look great. Joey that bag is going to get you that part.

Chandler

..and a date with a man.

Joey

You know what. Make fun all you want. This is a great bag. Okay. And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now just because you don't understand something doesn't make it wrong. All right so from now on you guys are going to have to get used to the fact that Joey, comes with a bag.

Phoebe

I gotta go too, I gotta meet my dad.

Rachel

Oh, Phoebe, what are you gonna say? Are you going to tell him who you are?

Phoebe

No not at first because I don't want to freak him out.

Ross

But, but aren't you pissed at him. I mean this guy abandoned you. I got to tell you if it were me this guy would be in some serious physical danger. I mean, I I I'd walk in there I'd be like "Yo Dad. You and me outside right now!" Kinda scared myself.

Monica

At least you scared someone.

Phoebe

You know it's funny. You'd think I'd be angry. I mean you'd think I'd want to rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately I'm past it.

Chandler

Hey man, how'd the audition go?

Joey

Estelle said I didn't get it.

Rachel

What? Why? Joey you were so ready for it.

Joey

Yeah? I thought so too, but, she said the casting people had some problems with me.

Ross

What kind of problem?

Joey

But to tell you the truth, they, uh, they had a problem with the bag!

Chandler

Oh my God.

Joey

You know what it was just stupid play anyway.

Monica

Joey. I think it's time to give up the bag.

Joey

I don't want to give up the bag. I don't have to give up the bag do I Rach?

Joey

You think I should give up the bag!

Rachel

Joey I'm sorry. I mean as terrific as I think you are with it.

Chandler

Oh hey.

Rachel

I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.

Joey

I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Rachel

No, wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a bag. I, I just it's just there are other bags you know that are maybe a little less. Controversial.

Chandler

Yeah, umm, they're called wallets.